Want to annoy me today?

• Mention that the husband is at The Colonial, and I am sadly, NOT. I'll pretend I don't care (even though I really do) because it's not like Tiger plays that tournament anyway.
• ETA: Call just to tell me you got to meet Terrence Newman (you Cowboy fans will get it) at said Colonial and get your picture taken with him. Thanks a lot hubs. Rub some more salt in that wound.
• Play "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black Eyed Peas. This isn't just today, though. This one will work any ol' time. That monstrosity of a song makes me want to stab my brain with an icepick.
• Drive 15 mph in a 40 mph zone just because a motorcycle cop is present. Seriously, that cop has better things to do than watch you putter by like Hoke in Driving Miss Daisy - like pass out some lovely reckless driving tickets when I ram your ass.
• Turn the copier off since you get to leave the office at 3:45. Because, obviously the rest of us who will be here until 5:00 couldn't possibly need the copier the rest of the day. Obvs.

Just call me Miss Jackson.

No my first name ain't baby Jordan

It's Janet

Miss Jackson if you're nasty

At least, after today's wardrobe malfunction it is. After a lunch appointment, I ran to the grocery store to pick up my staple quickie lunch - grapes, tuna and broccoli - to take back to the office. I was in and out in three minutes thanks to the wonder that is self checkout, and as soon as I walked out, the sun hit me just the right way, and all I could think about as I walked to the car was a cold, fruity cocktail on the patio until...Justin Timberlake! Where did you come from??

In a flash, pun intended, I felt a warm rush of air on my chest and realized I was exposed. Remember that dress from this morning that I loved so much? See the little link straps? Yeah, it's not so cute when those little plastic links figure out how to separate, causing your dress to fall down and flash your boob to two teenage hornboys in the parking lot.

Only I didn't have a fancy shmancy nipple guard to shield me. No, no, ladies, those boys caught my left gal in all her pale glory - which really isn't all that spectacular, anyway. The right one is really the show stealer.

Mildly mortified, I did what I could to cover myself and pull the dress together, and as I tried to duck into my car as fast as I could, I heard:

Boy #1: "Holy sh*t! That. just. happened."

Boy #2: "That was f'in awesome, man!"

{boyish snickers and unintelligible chatter ensued}

You're welcome, boys. I hope you enjoyed the free show. My husband dished out a lot of money on a ring to ensure that he would be the only male with that privilege.

Thank God the other link strap held, or my decision to go commando after the first bikini wax of the season today (what? don't judge. it feels better!) would have really given them a halftime show that would make the FCC flip out.

WTH were these boys even doing out of school anyway?

Ladies? nasty boys don't mean a thing

Oh you nasty boys

lyrics courtesy of Ms. Nasty herself

#$@% you, hacker.

Yesterday afternoon, I was pleasantly enjoying a Golden Girls marathon on the Hallmark channel. The house was quiet (except for the tv), Tony was at the station, the pups were napping, and I was still in my pjs at 2:30 in the afternoon - a recipe for a nice Sunday - until it was brought to a screeching halt by a phone call from Tony.

T: "Hey, I'm on the other line with the fraud prevention people, and they said there's a bunch of questionable charges hitting your debit card."

Me: "Like what?"

T: "Some Bangkok airline and stuff."

Me: "What the #$%??? Are you serious??"

T: "Fraid so babe."

So, I freaked out and ran to the computer to check our bank account, and there were six lovely charges totalling over $800 to Match.com, Hotel Club Direct, Bangkok Air (mail order bride, perhaps??) and Free Hotel Search - who are apparently guilty of false advertising because that free search cost some poor sucker $437.55. Oh wait, that sucker was me. Greeeeeaaaaat.

The fraud folks put a nice little freeze on my debit card (which is in my possession, so I'm guessing someone hacked or copied the info), and I have to order a new one - grrrr. AND, I have to file affidavits with the bank that deny the charges so I can begin the reimbursement process. I spent the morning on the phone with vendors cancelling auto payments that were tied to the card. What a freaking nightmare. @#$%&*(@#&@# But major kudos to the fraud prevention people for catching it before it got too out of hand and for calling on a Sunday!

ETA: I love my husband so stinkin' much. I just got a text asking if I wanted to go on a date with him to see Wolverine tonight! :)