Want to annoy me today?

• Mention that the husband is at The Colonial, and I am sadly, NOT. I'll pretend I don't care (even though I really do) because it's not like Tiger plays that tournament anyway.
• ETA: Call just to tell me you got to meet Terrence Newman (you Cowboy fans will get it) at said Colonial and get your picture taken with him. Thanks a lot hubs. Rub some more salt in that wound.
• Play "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black Eyed Peas. This isn't just today, though. This one will work any ol' time. That monstrosity of a song makes me want to stab my brain with an icepick.
• Drive 15 mph in a 40 mph zone just because a motorcycle cop is present. Seriously, that cop has better things to do than watch you putter by like Hoke in Driving Miss Daisy - like pass out some lovely reckless driving tickets when I ram your ass.
• Turn the copier off since you get to leave the office at 3:45. Because, obviously the rest of us who will be here until 5:00 couldn't possibly need the copier the rest of the day. Obvs.

Just call me Miss Jackson.

No my first name ain't baby Jordan

It's Janet

Miss Jackson if you're nasty

At least, after today's wardrobe malfunction it is. After a lunch appointment, I ran to the grocery store to pick up my staple quickie lunch - grapes, tuna and broccoli - to take back to the office. I was in and out in three minutes thanks to the wonder that is self checkout, and as soon as I walked out, the sun hit me just the right way, and all I could think about as I walked to the car was a cold, fruity cocktail on the patio until...Justin Timberlake! Where did you come from??

In a flash, pun intended, I felt a warm rush of air on my chest and realized I was exposed. Remember that dress from this morning that I loved so much? See the little link straps? Yeah, it's not so cute when those little plastic links figure out how to separate, causing your dress to fall down and flash your boob to two teenage hornboys in the parking lot.

Only I didn't have a fancy shmancy nipple guard to shield me. No, no, ladies, those boys caught my left gal in all her pale glory - which really isn't all that spectacular, anyway. The right one is really the show stealer.

Mildly mortified, I did what I could to cover myself and pull the dress together, and as I tried to duck into my car as fast as I could, I heard:

Boy #1: "Holy sh*t! That. just. happened."

Boy #2: "That was f'in awesome, man!"

{boyish snickers and unintelligible chatter ensued}

You're welcome, boys. I hope you enjoyed the free show. My husband dished out a lot of money on a ring to ensure that he would be the only male with that privilege.

Thank God the other link strap held, or my decision to go commando after the first bikini wax of the season today (what? don't judge. it feels better!) would have really given them a halftime show that would make the FCC flip out.

WTH were these boys even doing out of school anyway?

Ladies? nasty boys don't mean a thing

Oh you nasty boys

lyrics courtesy of Ms. Nasty herself

#$@% you, hacker.

Yesterday afternoon, I was pleasantly enjoying a Golden Girls marathon on the Hallmark channel. The house was quiet (except for the tv), Tony was at the station, the pups were napping, and I was still in my pjs at 2:30 in the afternoon - a recipe for a nice Sunday - until it was brought to a screeching halt by a phone call from Tony.

T: "Hey, I'm on the other line with the fraud prevention people, and they said there's a bunch of questionable charges hitting your debit card."

Me: "Like what?"

T: "Some Bangkok airline and stuff."

Me: "What the #$%??? Are you serious??"

T: "Fraid so babe."

So, I freaked out and ran to the computer to check our bank account, and there were six lovely charges totalling over $800 to Match.com, Hotel Club Direct, Bangkok Air (mail order bride, perhaps??) and Free Hotel Search - who are apparently guilty of false advertising because that free search cost some poor sucker $437.55. Oh wait, that sucker was me. Greeeeeaaaaat.

The fraud folks put a nice little freeze on my debit card (which is in my possession, so I'm guessing someone hacked or copied the info), and I have to order a new one - grrrr. AND, I have to file affidavits with the bank that deny the charges so I can begin the reimbursement process. I spent the morning on the phone with vendors cancelling auto payments that were tied to the card. What a freaking nightmare. @#$%&*(@#&@# But major kudos to the fraud prevention people for catching it before it got too out of hand and for calling on a Sunday!

ETA: I love my husband so stinkin' much. I just got a text asking if I wanted to go on a date with him to see Wolverine tonight! :)

Never give a dog a credit card.

Saturday afternoon, Gidget and I decided to visit the Paw Spa to get her some new bling. She had her heart set on a B B Simon collar with lots of sparkle, but alas, her mud blood gives her bad genes. She was too big for the small, and too small for the medium.

So, after much debating, she selected this fab pink diamond necklace.

When we returned home, I discovered that she had swiped my credit card and treated herself to a few splurges. She picked up this pink Kate Spayed purse. She loves her some pink!

She also managed to find some Manolo Barkniks in her size.

Then, she indulged her sweet tooth by picking up some organic yogurt and peanut butter cupcakes. Don't worry, though. She plans on rationing them so she can maintain her girlish figure.

Oh, and she couldn't leave her brother out, so she bought Riley some Puptron tequila and a Ruffio & Julieta cigar. I smell a partay!

"Mom, can I keep my purse? Pretty please with sugar on top? I promise I'll be extra good!"

She was exhausted after her free reign with my credit card. She looks so cute though. I think I'll let her keep her purchases!

Four 4s

Okay, so Lindsey tagged me to...

1. Choose the 4th folder in which you store pictures in your computer.
2. Choose the 4th picture.
3. Explain that picture.
4. Tag 4 people.

Last April, five crazy WASPs (and one lucky WASP husband!) got to party it up in Playa del Carmen. After a long stressful day lounging by the pool, we decided to relax and decompress in the resort hot tub...which we quickly discovered was broken. It was only slightly warmer than the pool at that time of night, and we were pretty cold. Since our complaining fell on deaf staff ears, we ran up to our room to fill our balcony jacuzzi. Then we all crammed in it. I'm not really sure why - there may have been some beverages consumed that day...

Tag - you're it!

1. Amanda
2. Kate
3. Crystal
4. Krystyn (might make for an easy PSF!)

That darn cat dog!

This little dog...

...is so much more evil than her cute little face lets on. She mischievously turned a productive Saturday afternoon at Fort Smith into a scramble fest with the push of a button.

Taking a break from working, I went out to the truck to get my checkbook out of my purse to pay one of the contractors. Gidget hopped right in like she thought we were leaving. Once I wrote the check, I tried to get her to come back out, but she was not having it. She plays this game every so often when we come home from the groomer, and usually, after a few minutes left to herself she jumps right out. So, I just left her in there with the intention of coming back in a few minutes.

15 minutes later, I went out to the truck to let her out, pulled up on the handle and nothing...happened. That little snot had locked us out!! Tony's keys were right there on the console, and she was sitting in the driver's seat - smiling. (Yes, the dog actually smiles - I have photographic evidence.) I tried and tried to coax her back up onto the door in hopes that she would hit the unlock button. But Miss Priss didn't want any part of it. She climbed up onto the console and took a nap...on top of the keys, just to add insult to injury.

I'm sure this went through her evil little noggin: "Keys in the truck? Check. No water bottles in the house? Check. No food? Check. Ridiculously strong winds? Check. Lock truck? Check. Operation Lock Out has commenced. [Insert maniacal dog laughter here.]" Every now and then, we would beat on the door to try and get her attention. She would flick her ears, barely open one eye to check out the hoopla, and then ignore us.

Two hours and numerous creative attempts later, we finally found a way in. It took both of us prying the door open wide enough to shove a piece of copper pipe down and hit the unlock button. And then that little brat had the nerve to jump right out and prance around. She's lucky Tony let her live ride inside the truck on the way home.

There's a reason my mom calls her The Brain (Riley is Pinky, by the way).

Death, Taxes and Laundry

So, we've always heard that nothing in life is certain except death and taxes, right? WRONG. I am officially amending that little adage. It shall now, and forever be known to all as: nothing in life is certain except death, taxes and laundry. Sneer.

As soon as I finish putting away the socks, Tony takes off his boots, and there is a pair of dirty socks on the floor. Kitchen towels all nice and clean in the cabinet? Oh, thanks for tracking mud all over the floor, Riley. No, I really appreciate it. The hamper is never empty. If I even get close to the bottom, it's bed time so the day's clothes just add to the madness. The laundry n e v e r ends.

Why, oh why, did Eve have to bite that damn apple?? She had it MADE with the laundry situation, and she had to go and ruin it all. Then again, I wouldn't want my nakedness on display all the time either. So I guess I can't fault her too much. Maybe she was just having a fat day and wanted something more than a leaf to cover herself. Sometimes, a girl just needs a pair of sweats!

Anyway, Gidget has been sleeping on the mountain of dirty clothes in my bedroom floor for the last few days. If she situates herself just right on the whites, you can't even see her. I've debated a picture, since she's so darn cute, but I'm just too embarrassed to show the pile! Another day, and I'm going to have to name that mountain. Maybe I'll name it after Miss G. After all, she discovered it and claimed it as her own!

Thankfully, tomorrow is Good Friday, so I've got a three day weekend! I will be getting an Easter pedicure, taking a short drive to hit a few little shops for some much needed shopping, and oh yeah, the laundry. Barf.

If you want to keep me away from chocolate...

...flavor it with just about any kind of fruit!

As I sleepily made my way to the coffeemaker this morning, a flash of foil caught my eye. Yay, goodies...and breakfast!! So I peel back the foil to find that someone brought a delicious looking chocolate sheet cake with chocolate frosting. What - you didn't know that chocolate cake constitutes breakfast?? It does in my world!

I slice myself a respectable piece of cake - not too big, but not too small either. I was really good this weekend. I grab a fork and my coffee and settle in at my desk for a long morning of emails and phone calls after being out for 2 1/2 days. I cut into the cake, bite into the yummy, moist goodness, and...

raspberry?!?!? What?!? BLASPHEMY!! I tried to take another bite, but I didn't even want to swallow. I was so disappointed to taste the fruitiness. I decided to scrape the frosting off and just eat that. Blech! The vile raspberry abomination was in the frosting too!! The whole piece ended up in the trash. All that wonderful chocolate...ruined by raspberry! Talk about a crappy way to start a Monday!

A night at the movies

I got carded last night to get into an R-rated movie. Seriously?? The guy at the ticket stand asked for both Tony and my IDs when we asked for tickets to Watchmen. We both just looked at each other, dumbfounded. I said to Tony, "is he kidding?" as we pass the licenses to him. The guy fires back, "you both look really young" as he checks the dates out. As he passed my ID back to me, he says, "I thought you would have been 16." I muttered, "Uh...thanks?"

I frequently get told that I look young, but I didn't know what to say to being likened to someone almost ten years younger! Sometimes it gets really frustrating. I get carded all the time, but it's often more than people just doing their job. My license has been questioned as a fake more than once because I look older in my license pic (taken four years ago with short hair) than I do now. Hopefully, looking younger will be a blessing for me several years in the future!

On another note, I really do not understand the parents who take their young children to R rated movies. I'm not talking about the parents who are trying to get a night out with a baby who sleeps through the entire movie but parents who take children that are old enough to be aware of adult situations but too young to fully comprehend them.

We saw a man in the movie with two young boys - probably six and four - and we just knew that the movie was going to be way too adult for them. Watchmen had lots of nudity, an attempted rape, a graphic sex scene that lasts over a minute, a slew of f-bombs and other four-letter words, and pervasive violence/gore. One guy had his arms cut off with a circular saw, and another was whacked in the head multiple times with a butcher's knife! I had to turn away a few times, and even Tony cringed some. After the movie was over, we both turned to each other to say, "I can't believe that guy brought those kids!"

Now, I'm obviously not a parent, so I can't judge that man's decision to bring those kids. I just don't understand it. What makes someone think that a child that young can handle seeing those kind of things or that a child should see those things? I just don't know sometimes, but what I would like to know is how those little boys slept through last night - and the next few...

Look what the Tony-cat dragged in!

So, when the Ambient Control/Autumn Air/Gage Metal crew moved out to the business park, they picked up a new friend - this sweet girl:

Roxanne, as the sheet metal guys named her, looks to be a German Shepherd/heeler cross, maybe even border collie. She has been hanging around there for weeks because the guys feed her and let her come in the shop to get out of the cold. In the mornings when Tony shows up, she trots her self up to his truck and rolls over for a belly rub.

The other day, the neighbors decided to stop by and welcome her to the neighborhood. Tony said she wanted them to play with her so badly.

And yes, those are goats...with collars! That is so funny to me!

I'm a complete sucker, and I have hated the idea of her being out there alone. And yesterday, Tony started to think it would be sad if she got hit by a car on their busy corner. So, when he walked in the door last night, he said, "Come here." I said, "What's wrong???" He said, "nothing," and I followed him out to his truck, where...Roxy is waiting. I couldn't believe he had actually brought her home! I always talk a big game about wanting a third, but three dogs? Are we crazy?!?!

She took to Riley pretty quickly. They were running circles around the back yard in no time, but Miss Gidget was not so eager to play. Gidget is not only an alpha female, but she is also top dog - the boss. I bet she was thinking, "who the heck is this beeyotch??" Haha! They all came in the house, and she went to exploring. Gidget, so far, does not like Roxy around her food or beds. She growls at Roxy when she wants her to back down...and Roxy does. She is such a sweetheart!

Aside, from putting her paws up on the furniture a few times, she's been very well behaved. Last night, we let her sleep in our room with the other two (with the door closed to keep her in) and no accidents! And none since she came in the house last night, either. It took a while for Roxy and Riley to quit playing and settle down for sleep. Gidget didn't even sleep in her bed. She slept in between our bed and Roxy so that she could keep a watchful eye to make sure that Roxy didn't get into any of her stuff.

Tony's at home with all three today, so I don't know yet how that's going. Later this afternoon, I am taking her to the vet to find out a little more about her and make sure she's healthy. Will this last? I don't know. I want to be fair to our two. Our two have been by themselves with us for close to six years. Outside of a few fur friends that have stayed over every now and then, they have never had to share us. Riley seems to care less to have her around, but Gidget is going to be the key player. See, Gidget is from the streets y'all. She spent some time locked up in the pen! She's had to fend for herself (unlike Riley), and even though that was a long time ago, I think she's still concerned with self-preservation because of that.

So, we're not committing to anything yet. We'd like to find her a loving home, whether it be ours or not. Stay tuned to see what happens!