Just call me Miss Jackson.

No my first name ain't baby Jordan

It's Janet

Miss Jackson if you're nasty

At least, after today's wardrobe malfunction it is. After a lunch appointment, I ran to the grocery store to pick up my staple quickie lunch - grapes, tuna and broccoli - to take back to the office. I was in and out in three minutes thanks to the wonder that is self checkout, and as soon as I walked out, the sun hit me just the right way, and all I could think about as I walked to the car was a cold, fruity cocktail on the patio until...Justin Timberlake! Where did you come from??

In a flash, pun intended, I felt a warm rush of air on my chest and realized I was exposed. Remember that dress from this morning that I loved so much? See the little link straps? Yeah, it's not so cute when those little plastic links figure out how to separate, causing your dress to fall down and flash your boob to two teenage hornboys in the parking lot.

Only I didn't have a fancy shmancy nipple guard to shield me. No, no, ladies, those boys caught my left gal in all her pale glory - which really isn't all that spectacular, anyway. The right one is really the show stealer.

Mildly mortified, I did what I could to cover myself and pull the dress together, and as I tried to duck into my car as fast as I could, I heard:

Boy #1: "Holy sh*t! That. just. happened."

Boy #2: "That was f'in awesome, man!"

{boyish snickers and unintelligible chatter ensued}

You're welcome, boys. I hope you enjoyed the free show. My husband dished out a lot of money on a ring to ensure that he would be the only male with that privilege.

Thank God the other link strap held, or my decision to go commando after the first bikini wax of the season today (what? don't judge. it feels better!) would have really given them a halftime show that would make the FCC flip out.

WTH were these boys even doing out of school anyway?

Ladies? nasty boys don't mean a thing

Oh you nasty boys

lyrics courtesy of Ms. Nasty herself